When shit gets messy

Inner work can suck.

There’s a bit of a stigma that people who meditate are cool, calm, collected, and super zen all the time. Hah! If only the people who thought that could glimpse inside my brain.

Meditation turns you inward. It connects you with yourself and you can’t help but see everything. The fears, insecurities, and other things you don’t want to face. There they are, thrust upon you. You can either continue with meditating and face them or walk away.

When you decide to face them it can be messy. At times it is zen like! Some days I feel so calm and grounded. Some days I’m an emotional mess. It could be that there is something particular I’m working through or perhaps something popped up in meditation that I’d thought I’d dealt with already. And there are honestly days when I don’t want to meditate. I know that something will come up that I don’t want to deal with so I’d rather avoid it. I do it anyway. Those are the days you need it more.

So why do we continue to do it? I feel like our goal in life is to be the best version of ourselves, live a happy life, and help others do the same. It’s hard to be the best version of ourselves when some BS story that we’ve believed for years and years holds us back. When we’re ok telling ourselves that we’re not supposed to feel joy all the time. When our emotional issues with food cause us to binge eat and drink and don’t allow us to make the healthy choice that feels good. When our self worth issues get in the way of living the life we want and had always envisioned for ourselves. When our lack of love for ourselves finds us searching for validation and love from other people instead.

We meditate to break those BS stories. We meditate to love ourselves. We meditate to really know ourselves. We meditate to remember that we were born worthy – it’s not earned. Growth, whether spiritual emotional or mental, is a gift. It’s a gift to learn and evolve into a better version of yourself! Why wouldn’t you want that?

So you deal with your fears and insecurities. You cry and release emotion. Because at the end of the day I know that I’m becoming me. I’m undoing years of BS stories and beliefs to step into my true self and it feels fantastic 💜

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