Forgiveness is a tough one for a lot of us. It can seem like you’re allowing the other person to ‘win’ if you forgive them. As though you’ve allowed them to get away with something. It’s something I knew I had to work on – forgiving people and myself for things that had happened in my past – but I still had trouble with it. Even though logically I knew it made sense to forgive my body wanted to fight to stay in victim mode and blame others.
Then I came across this quote in a book I’m reading:
“Forgiveness wasn’t about setting him free. It had everything to do with setting me free. Forgiveness was simply about freeing up space in my heart so I could receive more love and goodness in my life” (Abundance Now by Lisa Nichols).
That is powerful stuff. I’ve never realized that I always had a tiny part of me dedicated to holding onto blaming others. A tiny part of me stuck in victim mode. Because what would it mean about me if I forgave them? It made feel like I was weak, like I’d allowed them to get away with it. Those are stories though and I choose to no longer believe them. Forgiveness is really not much to do with the other person. Unless this person is still in your life. If this is the case how is your relationship being affected by not forgiving? How much could it improve if you let go and freed up more space for love?
I can’t change the past but I do get to decide how I feel about it now. As I’ve previously talked about I refuse to be a victim in my own life. So now I’m choosing forgiveness. That doesn’t mean that it’s a switch where now I forgive past events and people. It’s a process. Every day as part of my meditation I forgive others AND myself. Every day I get to free up a little more space for more love and good stuff!
Where in your life could you use some forgiveness? I know that you can feel justified in blaming others but I invite you to ask yourself if that is serving you? Can you picture what it would feel like to forgive them and let go of that blame, resentment, and move out of being a victim? How freeing would that feel?
Every day try taking a few moments to say:
I forgive you. I no longer allow you/event to control how I feel. I choose to let it go and forgive. I refuse to be a victim to you/event. I forgive you. I forgive myself.