Arhh winter in Victoria. Lots of rain and wind and maybe a touch of snow.
Not this year.
The past week we’ve had days of snow. I loved it. I loved it right up until I found myself flat on my back in a crosswalk. My feet slipped on ice and before I even realized it had happened I had hit the ground hard.
The left side of my sacrum is hurting. I can’t touch it or lay on it. (My elbow also got a good bang but it’s fine – just bruised!). I’ve spent the last two days icing, heating, and using ibuprofen. I have a constant ache. Finally today a bruise is starting to form. For some reason it felt like I needed a bruise to prove it happened 😂
This obviously means no working out. I need to give my body a few days to heal so I can assess the seriousness of the situation. It could just be a bad bruise, a bruised bone, or a fracture.
This is sooooo hard for me! I feel like I was just getting my groove back! 3 days a week of weights/hiit and 3 days of yoga. I was starting to feeling strong. And bam! Ass to crosswalk. I keep thinking ‘maybe just some stretching?’. But my brother, yoga teacher, is telling me no. It could make it worse. Just rest. Easier said that done.
What can I learn? What’s the lesson?
Life brings us seasons. There will be times to push forward and there will be time to pull back. Each are equally important. One of these will feel more challenging to you. Resting is hard for me so it’s a great opportunity to explore why…
There’s a part of me that still holds the belief that without working out I’ll gain weight. That I need to be super strict in how I eat to avoid weight gain. Logically I know this isn’t true. I know that exercise isn’t a good way to lose weight. I know that normally I don’t believe I exercise for fat loss. I always preach that you need to find reasons outside of weight loss to exercise.
And here I am, 3 days into resting and feeling these fears arise. Analyzing what I’ve eaten and what I will eat. This struggle is absolutely real for me.
So, what’s my lesson? I can choose to ignore what’s coming up for me or I can dive into those emotions and move through them. I can use this as an opportunity to explore why I still have the belief of needing to exercise for weight loss (Not to say that exercise can’t help weight loss but studies show it’s only 20% of your body composition- the rest comes from how you nourish your body) and why that is important to me. I know that I want to lose a few more pounds and logically I know that working out isn’t going to be what gets me there. But your ego doesn’t care about logic.
How do I plan to work through this? More time in meditation and connecting with myself. I’ll do the things that feed my soul (reading, walking, meditation, baths…lots and lots of baths!). When we connect to ourselves it is an act of love. The more we love ourselves the more we are accepting of whatever season we are in.
I’ve never actively worked through this issue before. I was eating a low carb paleo diet for years before I started working out. I went into working out having already lost weight, knowing exercise wasn’t the best thing for weight loss, but also knowing it had lots of benefits. I understood the science behind it and thought I had avoided the belief of exercise = weight loss. These beliefs can be deep rooted and it takes something changing to bring them to the surface.
Then there is the tiny bit of fear that I’ll never get back into working out. I went so many years of my life not moving my body that I still worry that too many rest days will lead to that. But deep down I know that I move my body to shift energy, to connect with myself, and feed my soul. It’s so important to me on so many levels. I’m doing my best to enjoy these rest days whilst still looking forward to hitting my mat again.
There also needs to be acceptance around body size. This also fluctuates and that’s ok. I may not be at the size I want to be at but that’s ok. Being someone who talks about health and wellness doesn’t mean I have to look a certain way. I don’t need ripped abs to talk about why you should exercise. I don’t need to be a certain size to explain why low carb paleo is a great way to eat. Accepting where you are right now in your body and loving yourself is really important to having the right mindset around a weight loss journey. You can’t (and shouldn’t want to) hate yourself thin. Love always wins.
So, it seems like I am in a season of rest. This may last a few days or weeks. I’ll take this opportunity for a different connection with my body. To watch it and support it in its healing 💜