Meet fear with love.

Hi Friends! It’s been a while! Who thought we’d be living through a global pandemic and life would get flipped on its head?!

How are you doing?

What does life look like for you now?

As most of you know I’m a manager at a pharmacy so life has been crazy. We started to get really busy towards the end of February with people preparing for the virus and isolation. Beginning of March felt like insanity! But it’s calmed down a bit now.

I feel like we are mostly getting used to this new reality. I can add bouncer to my resume as I spend a lot of time outside with a line up (as we are limiting the number of customers)!

At first it just felt like Christmas every day (Christmas in our store is crazy! It’s so busy and the days fly by). But underlying that busyness was fear that isn’t there at Christmas. Christmas typically has joy, excitement and stress. This was just fear and it hit me hard. I wasn’t fearful. But I picked up on everyone else’s fear. I would be feeling calm and grounded, but then I would interact would someone who was feeling fearful and I’d feel that energy in my body and it would leave me feeling that way all day unable to tap into my calm.

Chatting with my brother about how challenging it was he said ‘yeah, this is a tough time for empaths’. I laughed, ‘I’m not an empath’

Clearly I am. I’d always known that certain people could get me riled up or feeling down. I just never pieced together why. Over the past 6 years as I’ve been on this spiritual journey I’ve allowed emotion. Might sound crazy, but for a long time I suppressed emotion. I wanted to be strong all the time. Reliable. I saw crying as weakness.

It was really when I started working with a coach that I started to allow feelings. She has the ability to say things that trigger strong emotion and tears (if we had a coaching call and I didn’t cry did we really accomplish anything?!). So in all of my life I simply hadn’t allowed much emotion. Don’t get me wrong, I felt all the good stuff! But I tended to crush and ignore the bad stuff.

So pandemic fear hit me hard! It was really interesting to witness how I reacted to other people. Feeling perfectly calm and suddenly feeling anxiety. I started carrying a crystal around and would do my best to direct the energy into it. I’m not big into crystals – they’ve just never resonated with me – but it definitely helped. (Having said that I am a bit of a skeptic and kinda think any object would have helped, it was my intention that did the work. But I wasn’t willing to risk trying it on something other than a crystal just I’m case I was totally wrong 😉). Leaving work during lunch to get fresh air and meditate also helped a ton. I’m so grateful for all the sunny weather we’ve had!

What I find most interesting is that my experience of this pandemic (and probably my coworkers too) is the opposite of most. What I’m seeing on social media is people isolated and missing human interaction. The challenges that brings up. I spend 5 days a week interacting more than usual. We are an essential service and so we’ve stayed consistently busy. I have had so many complaints about how we aren’t doing enough or we’re doing too much. But, I’ve actually had far more compliments and appreciation. I’ve been told I was a ray of sunshine, that it was a joy to see my smile and warm greeting at the entrance, and so many thanks for just being at work. It’s a lot more negative and positive energy coming at me than normal and it feels super draining. I’m grateful for weekends that don’t involve seeing other people so I can fully release emotion and fill my own cup.

So yes, there is a ton of fear out there. But there is so much more love and appreciation for each other. I appreciate every customer who comes in or calls for delivery because it means we get to remain open. With so many laid off I have never felt so grateful to have a job.

I think it’s important to recognize that the complainers are acting out of fear. Their logic may not make sense to me but I don’t know their situation. It’s really challenging to remember this when I’m being called silly for enforcing a new rule, but every day it’s my goal to have empathy for those who show up with fear or anger. Meet fear with love. That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with that every day. I absolutely do.

I’m so curious to know what your life looks like now. What has changed? What struggles has this brought up for you?

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